Thrasher Magazine

I’m 40 years old. I’m not bragging; I’m just kinda old. One thing I dislike about being an older dude on the board is that inevitably, when I’m skating, other older dudes wanna come up and talk about antiquated skate shit. Now I’m just as nostalgic as the next guy, but if I’m forced into one more conversation about Craig Johnson’s dreadlocks poking out of the top of his helmet in 80-whatever, I’m probably gonna take a dump in my pants and cry. So in the spirit of suggesting a solution to the problem instead of just bitching about it, I present to all you old dudes a list of things to talk about besides rusty, dusty skate tales. I’ll thank me later. –Michael Sieben

THE WEATHER
I’d seriously rather talk about the fact that it’s kinda chilly vs. rehashing the pros and cons of Rip Grip one more time. Same goes with nose guards, 360 dome tail skidders, stick-on rails, clear griptape, copers, lappers, etc. I’d easily take, “Nice day, yeah?” over any conversation regarding archaic skateboard bedazzling. It’s not that I don’t appreciate all that beautiful plastic crap, I just don’t need to discuss it again.

POLITICS
I’d honestly welcome this topic since I have no idea what in the hell is actually going on in the real world. Is the US currently at war? I have no fuckin’ idea, but I’d imagine we are given our track record. Nevertheless, if you’re an old dude and you read the newspaper, drop some current knowledge on me instead of talking about how you believe that Kevin Staab is one of the forefathers of the big-nose revolution in skateboarding and that he deserves more credit. Because I really don’t give multiple turds about that theory.



THE CIVIL WAR
Maybe you don’t follow current events but you’re a crack at Civil War trivia? Shit, son! Lay it on me! Why was the Mississippi River so important to the war? Who the fuck is David Farragut? Why should Clara Barton be a household name? I’m serious; I want to know about this stuff! I already know who did the first switch 360 flip (hint: it was the same dude that invented the 360 flip). Gimme some new game; I’m hungry. Plus, I’m tired of my wife unmercifully beating me at Trivial Pursuit. Hook it up!

YOUR JOB (OR LACK THEREOF)
I live in Austin, TX, and approximately zero percent of the dudes I skate with work in the skate industry. So what do y’all do when you’re not skating? I’m genuinely interested. Are you computer programmers? Engineers? Do you build houses for rich Californians who are moving here daily—by the thousands? Do you collect unemployment checks and vaporize marijuana granules all day? Absolutely no judgment being passed—I’d just rather hear some personal info vs. your opinion about why Chris Miller should be richer than Tony Hawk. Your opinion on that subject has no bearing. Economics doesn’t have a Crossbone algorithm.



YOUR KIDS
You got kids? Well, Goddamn! Let’s hear about ‘em! Do they like Jazz? Are they into Opera? Science? The Insane Clown Posse? Do they constantly disappoint you and serve as a daily reminder of your ultimate, inevitable decay? That’s way more interesting to me than talking about how you prefer VHS/Hi-8/VX format over HD quality video content. To quote Peter De Vries, “Nostalgia… ain’t what it used to be.”

NEW SKATE SHIT
Or—why not just stay engaged with current skate shit and drop some contemporary knowledge. Like, what in the hell did Dylan Rieder just impossible over and how fine of a titty is in his new edit? Seriously! I think you’re never too old to keep track of what the new guard is doing. Imagine a basketball fan (I know, barf, right?) only being able to talk about games from the ‘80s or ‘90s. Seems kinda dumb, huh? It’s strange to me that skateboarders have a tendency to romanticize their particular peak decade and not be willing to appreciate and/or celebrate anything beyond that. I, for one, hope that I continue to be stoked by the current rad and never find myself cornering somebody at the skatepark, trying to convince them that Rick Howard’s Virtual Reality part trumps all (even though it might). Wish me luck! Shit, is it too late?